Yasmeen

I was sitting on a bench on the Doons Side station, waiting for a train to Paramatta. Tired, exhausted...completely drenched of agony...with the summer sun hitting me hard. I was waiting for that day to end soon.

“Hello Dear! What’s the time?” I heard a small voice coming from a distance. “Can you tell me the time?” This time the voice seemed to be more nearer to me, yet it was very low. I felt as if I was somewhere far away, in some lonely place, in a desert, struggling and searching to find some water to drink, and there was this person, I couldn’t make out whether a man or a woman, asking me time in a dry, barren desert. I wanted to blast back,”What the hell do you want to do with looking into a watch and checking time? Better go and check for a way out!” But somehow I couldn’t utter even a single word. I struggled for a long time to speak out, I felt as if I was going dumb. A creepy feeling came over me, and I became numb for a second, and then was engulfed in deep desire to dive deep into a river!

Suddenly something inside me pushed me and I opened my eyes to see a face very near to mine. I woke up with a start only to hit my head against the person’s head who was asking me time! It was then that I realised that I was sleeping on the bench, with a big suit case near my left leg left unattended. I adjusted myself on the bench to make sure that I seemed to be in my senses.

“Drink some water, you will be alright then!” I looked to my right hand side. There was this lady, wearing a black top and white pant...gazing at me. She had small eyes, button eyes, a big firm face, thin lips and short black hairs. She was wheatish in colour, exactly like that of an Indian or an Asian.

Medium heighted and middle aged...may be somewhere in her forties!

I opened up the bisleri bottle and drank up to my satisfaction, thanked the lady for that. Then looked at my watch, and to my horror, the time was 10:30 AM. I had missed the 10 AM train! I was frustrated again! I tried to calm down, without showing frustration on my face. I told her that it’s 10:30. She smiled at me and thanked me for telling her the time. Then she asked, “Are you going to the City?” to which I nodded yes. “Do you know at what time is the next train??” I said, “Yes, it’s at 11:00 AM”. “It’s a long wait!” said she, to which I nodded again!!

The Station was quite a small one and the day being a Saturday, it was completely empty! There were only two Australians on the station besides us! It’s quite different from India, where most of the crowd is outside on the streets on Weekends! Here people usually prefer to stay in their homes and spend time with their families on Weekends rather than going out. “It’s a hot day today!”, said she. I nodded again.

She: “Where are you from?”

Me: “M from India”.

She: “Oh India! I have heard a lot about India. There are many Indians here. ”

Me: (Astonished by the fact that she didn’t say that she was an Indian! Couldn’t show it on my face though.)

She: “I m from South Africa!”

Me: (Shocked by this revelation.. a fair to wheatish,,,lady,,, that too SA? Still why was it that I had a feeling that this lady is an Indian??)

She: “I came here twenty years ago with my children.. I have two sons! Are you married?”

Me: “Oh ok! No I am not.”

She: “What’s your age?”

Me: “Sorry? Ahmmm it’s 24!”

She:”24? Really??  You don’t seem to be like a 24 year old!! You look quite young!!! What do u do?”

Me: ”Ahmmm thanks!! I work here, I am a software engg!!”

She:”A software engg,,, you work on computer?”

Me: “Yes, I do!!”

She: “Nice! I was a nurse... Now retired!  I just go around to some places here and there to spend my time!! So I was telling you, I have two sons, one is getting married next week, he is 28!!! So I am busy in the preparation.”

Me:”Oh nice!!!”

She: “We have lot of customs, my mom is going to come. You know mangalsutra?? It’s like the chain you are wearing.”

Me: “This is an ordinary chain. I am not married!!”, just to make my side clear.

She: “Yeah yeah! But something of that kind. We tie that..during marriage... an old custom. My mom is quite old fashioned. She still wants to follow her old culture!!! ”

Me: (Shocked, surprised, astonished.... How come South African’s follow Indian culture?)

I think she saw the big question mark on my face....

She: “Our forefathers were Indians!  Our roots belong to Rajasthan. Our forefathers had settled in South Africa many years ago. I was born and brought up there. But then I came and settled here. I have not been to home since then.  I don’t like going there. I am happy here.”

Me: “Ok.”

She: “This chain, the way u r wearing it outside is ok here. Not there. If someone thief sees that then he will flee away with that. There is no law and order there to protect the people there! It was good when the White govt was there. After Nelson Mandela took charge, the crime rate has increased!!! It’s not a free country today also.”

Me: (Shocked again to hear that White govt was liked by people in SA.)

Indians had settled in South Africa during British rule. Mainly sent there as labourers. Some settled there as traders too. There was a lot of discrimination at that time, we have all read about Apartheid in our school education. So her statement was very intriguing.

She: “I like Australia. It’s calm and quiet. No pollution. Good weather. It’s a very nice place to live.”

Me: “I agree!!”

She: “You like Australia?”

Me: “Yes, I do! It’s a very good place. Neat, calm, quiet and no interference in personal life.”

She: “I was telling you about my sons. One is getting married. My second one is 26. Good looking, works as a consultant. Why don’t you come up to our place sometime??”

Me: “My pleasure! But, today I am returning back to India. My assignment has ended here. Otherwise I would have surely shown myself up someday.”

There was a sound from a distance. The train was arriving. My last train travel in Sydney.

She: “Oh ok! Not a problem.” And she smiled.

Me: “What’s your name? I forgot to ask you.”

She: “Yasmeen!!”

Me: (Surprised again)

Something in her smile made me feel more attracted towards her. After that conversation with her I forgot my frustration completely. I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to talk to her more. The train arrived and I got in. I searched for her again; thinking maybe we can continue our talk inside the train. But couldn’t find her. After sometime, I saw her sitting next to another old lady and talking to her. She got down two stops later. Waved her hand at me and said “Goodbye, have a nice journey!!!” I wished her goodbye.

Reason

A reason is a logical beginning to a question put forth...... logical end comes in when the reason is proved!!!

Success

Some things are easy to achieve..... some are difficult.....it's better to tread the path of struggle to achieve something that you really yearn for. Success will be more sweet then.

Opportunity

I live in peace,,,I live in silence...... I am there waiting for you to come and pick me up!!! Its just that, at the correct time, you need to know that I exist.

The Realization

              “I am….someone,,,, someone who looks at life in a very casual way. I don’t think about the counter effects of my deeds. I have no idea as to why am I like this? People say that it’s not good to be like this. I need to be more serious, I need to think and believe that the world is not just “me”,,, there are others around me who can be affected because of me…” – “Bang!!!….”, there was a loud sound….I pressed hard on the breaks!!!!


               I could see a bottle of blood, hanging to a stand; it was full…There were many people sitting there. Some were talking, some sitting alone, some crying. There were men in white, discussing with each other, women in white carrying trays of different coloured bottles inside the operation theatre. An old guy, somewhere around in his sixties, that is how he seemed to me,,,, with firm hands and a firm face went inside the OT along with some young docs and then closed the door. Some middle aged men in khaki were standing and talking among themselves, they seemed not to care of the situation around, as if this is what they see daily. I sat there watching all…..I saw people with disabilities crossing my way…. Somehow I didn’t understand why people like to live their lives when they can’t do anything other than being a burden on others….After a second, I felt disappointed with myself for having thought like that. I was exhausted sitting there without knowing the further course of action that I had to do. I wanted to go out, breathe fresh air, go to my work place and sit comfortably in my chair. I was surprised to find myself longing to be at a place where I had never liked to be. I looked at the men in khaki… I wanted a way by which I could have gone out without them stopping me or rather noticing me.


                   A young girl, aged around six came running towards me.... I had somehow escaped to the open area when no one was noticing me. She was small, with long, unruly hair and was wearing a frilled dress, torn from many sides. She seemed to be born and brought up in dust and mud; it seemed as if she didn’t take bath for days together. She clung to my pants,,, I was disgusted,,, she was unhygienic and I was kind of a person who cared for hygiene more than anything else. I tried to make her run away, but there was no way I could succeed. After a lot of struggle I finally asked her what she wanted...She smiled at me,,,a smile that I can never forget!!! She caught hold of my hand, and started pulling me ,,,, I wanted to,,, but, somehow couldn’t resist her. She took me to a small roadside fruit shop and pointed her little fingers towards a watermelon kept there. I thought that I could buy her this and I did so. There was something in this little girl that pulled me towards her.....She then took me to a lane behind the shop. The place was a perfect slum,,, with small hut type houses lined up adjacent to each other,,,, garbage loitered all around along with human and animal excreta lying in the open air. I still went with her, without any thoughts running in my mind. She at last reached a hut,, she let loose my hands,, went inside,,, I followed her. The place was very small and dark,,, I could never have imagined myself at a place like this. But still today, I was here,,,, I had no answer as to why I allowed her to bring me here!!! There was a lady lying down on a mat on the floor.....she seemed to be carrying... The little girl bent down, touched the lady on her face with her small hands,,,, pointed towards the melon and then towards me and said something,,,, something in her language....I understood that this lady was her mother by the way she hugged the little thing in her arms. The small girl then took the melon and started cutting it with the help of a knife.... She fed her mother who was still lying,,, it seemed to me that the lady was not in a situation to get up and work for herself. I looked at the girl.... she was so small.... but the way she handled her mother was surprising,,, rather shocking for me!!! I felt suffocated inside the hut,,,, not because of the smell and size of the room, but mainly because.... there was something that was going on in front of my eyes which I could have never myself done in my whole life. I started walking back to the hospital....I felt a touch,,, the same one that I had felt just some time ago. She smiled....showing her teeth,,, I bent down, and she kissed me on my cheeks,,, I looked at her for some time and then hugged her. I was unable to understand as to,,, how can a small baby of her age be so responsible, loving and caring? I was so big,,,, but still immature,,,, how was I ever going to be like what she is???


                  I walked in again,,, noticing the people with disabilities. I then looked up towards the people who accompanied them. Some of them had a worried look, some were having a firm face, and some were smiling and making their loved one smile. Their world looked completely different to me now,,, than some minutes ago. They were sad, they were in middle of a trauma...but still they were together, living for one another....and making their loved ones feel safe, had become a reason for their survival. I went and sat down near the OT. There was a woman in a red and green saree, crying,,, a man in blue and black holding her in his arms....tensed and sad!!! The helpless look on their faces made me feel guilty and helpless myself. I wanted to go and console them. But, how could I have done that? It was because of me that they were here!!! I looked at the cops in khaki,,,, they still didn’t seem to be bothered too much about the incident. The old guy, came outside the OT, and said to the couple, “We have done our level best!!! Please pray that everything will be fine and alright.”


                  I was feeling very uneasy... the place was dark, with no lights around!!! It was stinking.... a place I had never ever thought I’ll be in. I felt miserable; I wanted to go out... I wanted breathe in fresh air,,,, for a moment I felt that I wanted to go back to the slum where I had been some time ago!!! I wanted to talk to someone...I wanted to go back home. I wanted to confess all my wrong doings and I wanted to apologize to the people whom I have hurt....especially my parents!!! I called out,,, but nobody listened,,, I shouted,,, only to get back the scolding’s of fellow inmates,,,, I banged hard on the grills,,,, I desperately wanted to meet someone whom I knew....


                  I sat on the floor,,,I closed my eyes,,,there was nothing other than darkness that I could see!!! The little girl’s face came in front of me... I was taken aback,,,, I was scared!!! For a moment I couldn’t feel anything...There was something in her that made me feel that I was someone who was totally wrong!!! She challenged the human in me!!! But, yes,,, I did find an answer to the questions that were going around in my head for a long time now!!! I found an urgent need for me to change,,,, change for good!!! I wanted to confess to my parents that I had thought of sending them to old age home, I wanted to tell my wife that I had not found her beautiful enough and had thought of seeking a divorce, I wanted to let my children know that I had never cared much about their future..... I wanted to tell them all how much I love them, I wanted to tell them that I’ll never repeat my mistakes again,,,I wanted to tell them that I’ll provide them everything that they wanted in life,,, I wanted to tell them that how much I regretted the sins I had committed.....and I wanted to tell them that I wanted them for my life to be complete.... I wanted to go back to them, to see them, to feel their closeness,,, to feel protected in the shade of their love!!!


                    There was a noise,,, I looked up... the gate was opening. A thin figure wearing khaki and a stick in hand came in....the sight of which worried me more!!! But then, I was determined and was ready to receive the fruits of my wrong doings!!! He asked me to get up and follow him, which I did obediently. He took me to a room which had two doors, an old wooden table and two old chairs kept on either sides of the table. There was a fan on the ceiling and a bulb on the right wall. I sat on a chair as ordered by the cop. All my sensations were lost... I was not able to think anything.... My carelessness, my carefree nature had cost me dearly... I looked blankly at the walls in front of me.... The other door opened,,, there was a slight ray of sun that penetrated in,,, after hours I saw a ray of hope,,, Two figures accompanied the thin cop,,,, they came near me,,, I burst into tears when I saw them, they hugged me,,, She grasped me tightly in her arms as she used to do in my childhood whenever I was scared!!! He kept his right hand on my head and held my right hand with his left....I felt protected,,, I felt like being safe!!! The door opened again,,, the sun rays this time were more than the first time.... A man in black came in accompanied by the women who had been my best half for years together.... He said, “The little boy in OT has regained consciousness!!! They have taken back the case.....now you are a free man again!!!”

The Final Destination

              The sun was about to set. The sky looked like a beautiful picture, as if painted by god in his complete sense. The picture had a mix of different colours, orange mixed with shades of blue, white and red, spreading across a vast area. The orange seemed to have fallen a little too much from the painter’s brush! The painting was a spectacular one.. with a beauty of rarest of rare kinds!

               Four of us, puffing and panting, were running around, playing in the lap of nature. I could hear Rani call out loudly “We are done!” And then there was a kind of darkness that spread across my eyes, a kind of feeling that made me numb.. and then there was silence, complete silence...it seemed as if I was drifting away in an ocean of sleep, deep, deep sleep.

                After quite a long time of sleep, I woke up. I found myself in a place which was dark; I rubbed my eyes to see well. But still, there was no success. I got up on my feet to search for life around me. I roamed around the place without success just to find that I was on a remote island. With a heavy heart I sat down on the sand. With no one whom I knew around me, I started feeling home sick. I was hungry, I was scared. I felt like calling out to my mom and lying down with my head on her lap, which seemed to be the safest place on earth for me. Thoughts made me restless; I got up again and started wandering. I walked in darkness into the island’s heart. I shouted, just to find my voice coming back to me and scaring me even more. I walked more and more....strangely I couldn’t even find animals or plants in that place. It seemed as if I was on moon or some planet, where no life existed. I considered it as a possibility, but then it didn’t make sense to have only water and no inhabitation!!! It was surprising, rather shocking!!! I had never heard of a land full of water and sand and nothing else. There was nothing I could have done, I was completely stranded. With tears in my eyes, I laid down again. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t, various thoughts flew across my mind. I closed my eyes, tried hard not to think about anything.

                Suddenly, I heard my mother calling me, “Rohit!!! Baba come here, have dinner!!!” I opened my eyes, just to find that I was dreaming. I was very happy to see my mom in front of me. I hugged her, with my eyes wet. She was shocked to see me behaving like this. But her motherly sense made her realize that I was scared. Without any questions, she took me in her arms, kept me close to her chest. With my head on her chest and eyes closed, I took a breath of relief. I was never so happy before. It was like a new life, a life that I got for the hands that clutched me. I thanked god for the wonderful family that I have got and thanked him to make me realize that. I promised him, that I will always be a good and sincere son to my parents. I cried, my mother held me tightly, as tightly as she could have....

                   Deep in my head, I heard a rattling sound, as if something was approaching me. I still clutched my mom tightly. I wouldn’t let her go, come what may. The rattling sound became more and more, louder. I opened my eyes, just to find a ship heading towards me. It came to the shore where I was, it was then that I realised I was dreaming. I was confused; I wanted to know where exactly I was. With thousands of questions in my mind, I walked towards the ship which stopped on the shore. The captain waved at me, signalling me to get inside, which I did obediently, unable to make out exactly what was the situation I was into. I wanted to ask him, “Am I dreaming”? But before I could say anything, he showed me a room, where I was supposed to go. To my surprise, I found that to be a happening place. Lots of people of different age group were together, dancing to the rhythm of a popular Sufi song. I am not that old enough to make out what is popular and all, but I thought that this song was popular as I had heard it many times and was one of my favs. I walked slowly towards the crowd. My heart was pounding up and down. This was the first time ever that I was going to be a part of such a big crowd.

                  I went inside the party. The atmosphere was a very different one. The music was loud and so were the people. But still there was a sort of silence and peace in the surrounding. They welcomed me and soon I became one among them. Dancing to the rhythm the ship sailed through the ocean in darkness to reach its final destination of enlightenment. The destination was bright, with light all around, I bet sun was brightest in this part of the world. I realized then, that I was not dreaming. I realized that, this was the place where I was meant to be, where I was supposed to belong to. But I was missing my family, my mother... I wished I could see her,,, I longed for her touch......

                  The sun had set. It was night, the darkest ever in the history of that place. Rani ran back to her home, crying, as she was unable to understand what had happened. The place that used to be full of noises of children playing around was then, very silent. There was a wailing sound, it started being low and then turned into one with higher amplitude, it came out of a heart that longed to see her child safe. But then, there was nothing the mother could have done. The house was crowded. People were speaking in low tones to each other. One lady in white said to the other, “He had brain tumour!”